Struggle

I'm a struggler. I know that's not even a word. But I am. I struggle. I have the hardest time getting through life. Maybe there are people that can sympathize or even empathize. Maybe there are people who know what it's like to struggle. The thing that I struggle with the most is my walk with God. It's hard. It's hard to know that I have a problem following the God of creation. The God who made me. The God who died for me. It's hard for me to see all of you. All of you who love God with an undying love. A love that never fades. A love that doesn't struggle. I can't do it. I try. Then people tell me not to try so hard. So then I don't try. But either way I still can't love like that.

Yesterday, a girl that I used to have very strong feelings for, told me that she can't be with someone who struggles in their relationship with God. And that sucks!! It sucks because what if everyone feels that way? If I want to be in a relationship with someone who knows and loves God, how can I be if I struggle with Him? But that's me. I struggle. And just because I do is no reason for you not to love me! You should love me because God loves me. And if you don't, maybe you struggle, too.

So listen to me carefully, all you who struggle. God loves you. No matter what. Even if you do struggle. Maybe it's right that we struggle. Maybe God has to break us before we can know what He has done in our lives. So break me, God. Break me and then rebuild me from scratch.

*This goes out to J. I'm sorry you can't love me because of my struggles.